you got designer shades just to hide your face and you wear them around like you’re cooler than me and you never say hey or remember my name and its probably cause you think you’re cooler than me
I show affection for my pets by holding them against me and whispering I love you repeatedly as they struggle to escape from my arms
my heart is full of hate and swag
"I already saw that on Tumblr."
a fun thing to do: say “no thanks, i’m a vegetarian” when people hand you their newborn babies
Me: *tells mean joke*
Person: thats not nice